Sext: Ennui by Ana Benlloch 2018 --------------- I slowly remove my need to be liked, and drop it next to the pulsing dread of my undesirability Gripping our desire to be elsewhere tightly, I kiss your fantasy of yourself Gently allowing you to become the mirror for my self loathing, I caress your rejection of reality with my need to belittle My ennui strokes passively against your disappointment 'I need you to unsettle me with your violently hard anguish, I need to feel it deep inside me' Helplessly, I recall a minor abandonment I straddle your preoccupation, my overthinking hanging down clumsily, dark and swollen. Your self immolation is choking me, I shudder misanthropically Trembling, I insert my violent lack of interest into your fetishisation of failure I gasp harder as the slippery meaninglessness of this pushes past my detachment A trembling horror of embodiment glistens wetly in my hand Dissociatingly foggy embarrassments gloat up my spine